


Terrified

by KurlyFrasier



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Bay Movies), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Adorable, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Funny, Happy, Minor Violence, Non-Graphic Violence, Ruffians - Freeform, Sad, bayverse-ish, the foot clan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:14:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28625538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KurlyFrasier/pseuds/KurlyFrasier
Summary: Raph saves you from ruffians one night in an alley after watching out for you for weeks without you knowing. Which leads you to getting to know the guys and becoming part of the family. But Raph keeps his distance and you don’t understand why.
Relationships: Raphael (TMNT)/Reader
Comments: 12
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this came from. It popped in my head and turned into this. It was supposed to be a short oneshot....buuuuut became whatever this is lol. Also, TMNT does not belong to me, obviously. Oh, and I based the turtles off of the Bayverse boys for the most part.

He had been following you for weeks. For your protection, he told himself. Especially since you always walked alone, your headphones covered your ears with music blaring so loud he could hear it on the top of a five-story building. Deep down though, he knew he was being a creep. And it disgusted him. But there was no way he was going to just make his way down off the rooftops and casually introduce himself.

No, he could only imagine your disgust. Your fear. He’d much rather continue fantasizing that you two would be the best of friends, at the very least. Rarely did he let his fantasies get beyond that of friendship, but when they did he made sure to let it out in an extra workout or two. Or stay out to catch a few more thugs than usual; the kind with trigger fingers. The kind Master Splinter hated for him and his brothers to go after. They weren’t completely bulletproof, after all. But what his father didn’t know, wouldn’t hurt him.

Or so he continued to tell himself.

A bell dinged, signifying the last customer was leaving the used book store you worked at, a bag filled with books hanging at their side. Raph could swear it was the only book store in the city that stayed open until midnight. He thought it was crazy book nerds would want to buy books late in the night. He thought they were the hermit, early riser types who preferred to go to bed early. That is, until he started “protecting” you.

You’ve proved him wrong on countless occasions. Not that you knew this. Nor would you ever know if he had any say about it. You’ve even convinced him to start reading without a single conversation. In secret, that is. He had a reputation to protect and didn’t want to hear any crap from his brothers, especially Leo. If Mikey found out, he could always beat it out of his memory. As for Donnie...he’d probably get excited and shove all his sciencey books at him. He shivered in disgust. Science wasn’t his forte, but he had discovered he enjoyed history. The thought brought a small smile to his face that grew when he noticed you were about to walk out the glass door.

“Night, Lori! I’ll see you in a couple of days,” you waved your co-worker goodbye before earnestly looking for your headphones in the red backpack you seemed to always have with you, attaching them to your phone, and setting them on your head. The red headphones were stark against your hair and seemed too big on your small head. Then again, everything about you was small compared to him.

He moved closer, following you on the ground through the alleys instead of hopping rooftop to rooftop. Your head bobbed to the music as you stepped to the beat. He found that to be cute and doubted you did that consciously. He chuckled at the scene, wishing desperately he could walk you home in front everyone, maybe hold your hand.

Raph growled, fisting his hands, frustrated he let his thoughts wander- again. It didn’t help that his least favorite part of the night was looming before him. 

~~~~~~~~~~

You walked down the stairs into the subway station, smiling wide, excited about the new book you bought at the end of your shift. You planned on starting it in the morning and not stopping until it was finished. You had two days off, and you were going to enjoy it to the fullest. It helped that your roommate was gone for the week to visit family. Not that you didn’t absolutely adore her, but it would be nice to be completely alone for a couple of days. Her energy was literally off the wall and it could get exhausting, to say the least. Just thinking about your childhood best friend had you smiling even wider- something you didn’t realize was possible. You two had always been the complete opposite. She was always talking to strangers, dragging you to parties when you hadn’t gone anywhere but work for weeks, and inviting friends over for game nights. Whereas you preferred the quiet of your own bedroom, listening to music, and reading a good book. Without her, you would’ve never moved from your small-town home to New York. Somehow, your introverted self had fallen in love with the big city and you wouldn’t change it for the world. 

Your music blasted in your ears, just the way you liked it when walking home at night. It kept thoughts of muggers, The Foot Clan, and perverts out of your mind as you found a seat on the almost empty train. You sighed, feeling safe in the moving vehicle. You could swear you were being followed the past few weeks, but nothing ever happened so you always shrugged it off when you got home, thinking you were being more paranoid than usual.

Not ten minutes later, you got off the train and trudged up the stairs on heavy legs, feeling exhausted. The day had been busier than usual at work and you were ready for pajamas and bed, but it would be another three blocks before you got to your apartment building. Taking in a deep, calming breath, you clung tightly to the shoulder straps of the backpack you wore and stepped onto the sidewalk. Once again, you felt as if someone was watching you. Once again, you ignored it, focusing on the music as you turned into a wider than usual alley that allowed the moonlight to shine through. Which is why it was the only one you were brave enough to walk through.

~~~~~~~~~~

Raph let out the breath he had been holding when you stepped out of the subway station in one piece. He never dared to follow you into the station for fear of you seeing him, but he hated having you out of his sight. Those ten minutes were the worst of his life as he jumped from rooftop to rooftop, his imagination going wild with the possibility of you getting hurt, or worse.

The alley you turned into, on the other hand, was his favorite part of the night because he almost always allowed himself to walk on the pavement in the shadows close behind you. Tonight was different, though. He could see shadows of several people ahead of you, so he stayed above, trying to figure out what band you were listening to.

“Hey!” Raph heard a gruff shout as you walked by a group of guys, snapping his focus on them, searching for any danger they could pose, but he saw nothing of note from where he was and you didn’t seem to have heard him. “You!” The same guy said, marching toward you. 

Raph started climbing down with a quiet growl, adrenaline pulsed through his veins, prepared for something to happen.

You squealed, causing Raph’s heart to skip a beat as he saw the guy roughly yank you backward by the handle of your backpack.

“S-sorry,” you mumbled, taking your headphones off. “I- uh- I d-didn’t hear you.”

“What do’ya think you’re doin’ all alone out here?” The man spoke, his friends started standing behind him.

“J-just walking h-home, that’s all. I-”

“Hmm,” he nodded, still not letting go of your backpack. “Wanna drink, lil lady?”

This close Raph could hear your quick, anxious breaths. It made his blood boil. 

“N-no, thanks,” you tried stepping away when he finally let go, but his friends had you surrounded at this point.

“Aw, come on sweetheart,” a tall, thin guy sneered, resting a hand on your shoulder. “We aren’t gonna hurt ya. Just wanna have a drink with ya, is all.”

“Uh-”

Raph had seen enough at this point. You were scared, and the idiots surrounding you obviously had no plans of letting you through without causing trouble. Instead of climbing stealthily the rest of the way down, he jumped, landing with a loud thud in the shadows. All heads snapped in his direction at the sound.

“Let her go,” Raph demanded, attempting to stay calm, but it was hard when some jerk had his hand on you.

“Who says?” The guy with the gruff voice asked, seemingly the only one with enough liquid courage to speak.

“Nobody special,” Raph replied with a shrug, unsheathing a sai with a pleasant hiss. He knew they could see his outline, so he wanted to look as nonchalant as possible. He knew he was an intimidating size and it was times like these that he appreciated it. Deep down, a part of him was relieved you were finally going to see him, but a much larger part of him knew that he was probably about to scare you more than the ten or so guys surrounding you ever could.

“If that’s so, then why dontcha move along and mind yer own bis’ness.”

“I thought I’d give ya guys a chance ta run before it got bloody is all,” Raph grinned, his teeth glinting in the tiny streak of moonlight that touched his face. He refused to look at you. He didn’t want to watch your reaction to his words, just like he didn’t want to see your reaction when you set eyes on him for the first time.

All the men chuckled, each lifting their shirts to show him what was tucked in the waist of their pants. A few pulled their pistols out.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Raph stepped forward out of the shadows. “But if a fight is what yer lookin’ for, then I won’t stop ya.” 

The rest of the men rushed to get their guns out, eyes wide as they stepped back and pointed them at his shell covered torso. A few swayed with the action, but you were still in the middle of their little circle and that infuriated Raph even more.

“So?” Raph said low, voice gravelly. “What’s it gonna be, guys? Ya gonna let the-”

A shot rang out, hitting him squarely in the center of his shell-hardened chest. He barely felt it, but it got him moving forward, punching the first guy he could reach in the nose, knocking him out cold. The rest followed suit, shooting without a care as Raph shoved the men out of the way between you and him with a growl. 

When he finally met your wide-eyed, frantic stare Raph shoved you none-too-gently down to the pavement as he hovered above you, allowing his shell to cover you both until they ran out of ammo. He hissed out sharply when he felt a couple of bullets graze his limbs, but those would heal. He couldn’t let you get hurt. He couldn’t live if you got hurt.

“Stay down,” he shouted into your ear before he stood up once silence reigned, both sais in hand and kicked the closest two guys hard in the chest, knocking them against the brick building. The others started for him, but he quickly spun before slicing deep cuts into their arms and legs, causing most to collapse to the ground. Only the guys who talked to you remained, standing frozen in place as they watched Raph, teeth bared, march to them over their groaning comrades. By the time they realized what happened, it was too late. Raph simultaneously straight punched them both in the nose, knocking their heads back so far the rest of their bodies followed with it, landing hard on the ground- out cold.


	2. Chapter 2

You peeked out between your fingers- curled up on the cold ground- and saw the one responsible for the smelly, fallen men surrounding you. Their grunts and groans of pain deaf to your ears. 

All you heard was his deep, rapid breaths several feet away.

All you saw was his truck-like frame walking back to you.

All you felt were his arms picking you up and holding you close to his massive, hard chest.

You wondered if the shell was permanent or part of a costume.

“Are ya hurt?” His voice was severe, making you flinch- his Brooklyn accent didn’t help matters, causing him to sound more thug-like. He didn’t even look at you as he walked. Not one glance. Not that it mattered, you had seen those green eyes flash in fury when he shoved you to the ground earlier. “I’m takin’ ya ta Donnie. He’s gonna make sure yer okay.”

You didn’t say a word. You couldn’t. Your voice was stuck in your throat when you opened your mouth to say thanks. Any other time you were nervous your voice had a mind of its own, but no, not when a big, hulking, kind-hearted guy saved your life. So, giving up, you closed your eyes and rested your head on his chest, succumbing to sleep as you let him take you to this Donnie person. Not that you could have stopped him even if you wanted to. You had the feeling this guy would do what he wanted, no matter what anybody said. He seemed the type.

Your eyes opened to darkness, but you were comfortable on what felt like a giant bean bag, a thin blanket rested on top of you.

Where were you?

You sat up, not realizing you startled someone awake, and searched the darkness as your heart rate picked up.

“It’s okay,” a deep, husky voice said and you let out a sigh, recognizing the voice. He hadn’t left you.

“Yer okay,” he whispered, sounding relieved.

“Where am I?” You asked hesitantly. You didn’t want to anger him, worried he might hurt you if you do. Earlier you had felt so safe in his arms, but now you were in a dark, unknown place with someone you knew could cause pain if he wished.

“Home,” he replied, still quiet. “Not that it’s much, but it suits us.”

“And, um, Donnie?” You asked, unsure if this person had ‘checked you’ yet.

“Donnie?” He growled out.

“S-sorry!” You squeaked out, slinking back under the blanket. “You said something about him on the way here is all.”

“Oh, yeah,” he said in a much calmer voice. “He didn’t find any injuries, but he wants to talk ta ya when ya up for it to make sure ya didn’t hit yer head. 

“I’m ready now,” you stated hopefully, curious to see who this guy was. Was he a doctor?

“Watch yer eyes,” he said as you heard light footsteps move further away from you. “I’ll turn on the lights.”

You squeezed your eyes shut until the lights came on. Opening them, you searched for the familiar hulking form, wanting a better look, but he was gone. Instead you found yourself in a large, domed room along with furniture made of old pizza boxes. Your face scrunched in confusion. There were no windows, but the large room was open, connected to equally large rooms on every side that had other rigged up furniture. Honestly, you weren’t really sure what you were seeing, or if any of it was real. Especially when a giant, freakishly tall, walking turtle walked in wearing a purple bandana across his eyes.

“Hey, I’m Donnie,” the creature said, sitting down on a makeshift stool next to you.

You stared in silence, wondering if this was all a dream. That maybe the guys in the alley weren’t actually real.

“Care if I ask a few questions?” 

You nodded, eyes unblinking.

“Do you know your name?”

“Y/N”

“Okay, y/n, follow my finger.”

You did as he said, finding it odd he only had three, and answered his questions with ease, getting more comfortable with him by the minute. He even had you giggling a few times. Then he asked you if you could stand up.

“Yeah, but would you mind helping me off this thing?” You asked good-naturedly, feeling stuck in the bean bag, but also curious to know if his lean muscles were just as strong as the guy who saved you.

“Sure,” he chuckled before picking you up underneath your arms and setting you gently down on your feet with ease. You were in awe, not realizing you were holding onto his forearms for support. “I’m gonna let go now, okay?”

“Oh,” you removed your hands as if they were burned. “Sorry… Can I walk around?”

“Yeah, sure. You seem fine. No sign of a head injury. Want me to get Raph?”

“Raph?” You asked, not knowing who he was talking about.

“Yeah, my brother. The guy who brought you here.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Raph was listening in on everything Donnie and you said, like a coward he hid away where you couldn’t see him, but he could see you. He told himself he didn’t want to scare you with two giant, mutant freaks in the same room. He wanted to rip Donnie away from you the moment he picked you up. His jealousy got worse the longer you stood there staring up at him in awe. 

It made him want to punch something. But at least you hadn’t screamed or passed out. That was something.

“I-Is he like you?” You asked quietly, looking at her feet.

“Yeah,” Donnie chuckled. “We all are. Well, except Master Splinter.”

“All?” Your head shot up in surprise.

“Yeah, there’s four of us. My brothers and I. Plus Master Splinter,” Donnie explained.

“Oh,” was all you said for a moment. “Can I meet them too?” 

Raph jumped back in shock. You wanted to meet all of them? He couldn’t believe it.

“Uh,” Donnie looked in Raph’s direction, asking what he thought would be best for you. He shook his head before Donnie replied. “Maybe just one at a time? We can be kind of….”

“Big,” you finished for him with a smirk. Gosh, you were adorable. 

And brave.

And so very accepting.

But you hadn’t met him yet, he reminded himself. Not really, anyway. You had only seen glimpses of him and your eyes were closed throughout most of the ordeal in the alley. Donnie could be awkward, but that made him easy to feel safe around. Mikey made everyone feel comfortable with his innocent ramblings, and Leo, well everyone liked Leo.

“That’s one way to put it,” Donnie said. “I’ll go get Raph. You stay here, okay? It’s easy to get lost in here.”

You nodded and followed Donnie’s movement toward Raph. He hid behind the wall to collect himself.

Here goes nothin’, he thought, stepping forward after Donnie walked past him with a thumbs up.

You stood in the middle of their living room looking like you were meant to be there as he slowly, quietly stepped toward you. He didn’t want to scare you. He didn’t want you to run away.

“Hey,” you waved awkwardly as he stood in front of you.

He stayed silent as he waited for the inevitable scream.

“I never got to say thank you. Ya know?” You looked up at him. “For saving my life.”

“It was nothin’” Raph replied, unsure of what to say until he remembered you wanted to meet all of them. He strode away before you could start a conversation, throwing over his shoulder that he would go get Mikey. That you would like him.

And he was right.

You liked all of his brothers and they liked you.

You even met April and Casey that first day. Donnie called them, thinking you would be more comfortable with other humans around. You did seem to relax a bit more when they came around that day and Raph was happy for it. He wanted you around where he knew you would be safe and he wanted you comfortable. Over the weeks you proved to be a great friend to all of them. You played video games with Mikey, helped Donnie with his experiments, meditated with Leo, had tea with Sensei, and on movie nights you always plopped yourself in Raph’s lap.

Those were the moments he longed for; the movie nights. That was the only time he ever let himself get close to you. The only nights he allowed himself to fantasize that you two could be more than almost friends. Just for a couple of hours. Then he would lay you in his bed while he went out to watch over the city.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the readers pov to first person just fyi lol

I knew the moment I stepped out of Dusty Books and put my headphones on that he was watching. He was always watching. Following. Protecting. I made the mistake of asking him why once and still regret it to this day, because not only does he guard me home, but now his brothers do too. 

They take turns. And now I feel like a burden to all of them, not just to him.

I know it’s Raph’s turn because the other three will actually walk with me when they can, like through the alleys- which I am no longer afraid to walk through, thanks to them- and on the subway when it’s empty. But not him. Never him.

And I still didn’t know why he would barely look at me, let alone, talk to me.

Except on movie nights. Those were my favorite nights of the week. Those were the nights I got to cuddle with him and pretend to fall asleep so he would carry me to his bed. I had hoped he would share it with me, but alas, he never did.

His brothers and Master Splinter liked me just fine. So, why didn’t he? The thought had me rushing to the subway station, the sooner I got home the sooner I would stop bothering him. I got there just in time to jump on before the doors closed. I sat down with a huff and willed the sting of tears away.

Why didn’t Raph like me? He saved my life weeks ago (definitely more than a couple of months) and is still practically a stranger!

I spent the ride deep breathing, hoping maybe I could run home before he knew I had gotten off the train. It was only a few blocks, I could do it. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be able to move on from him because, obviously, he wasn’t my biggest fan.

Would I have to stop going to the lair?

Maybe I could start texting one of the guys to make sure Raph isn’t there before heading over...except movie nights, of course. I’ll always see him on movie nights. I sighed, realizing I would have to give up on cuddling with him.

Maybe I could pretend nothing has changed on those nights?

This was going to be hard.

The train stopped and I stepped out, took an encouraging breath, and ran- holding tight to my backpack. Thankfully, I didn’t have to worry about anybody thinking I was crazy because, well, nobody ever got off here at this time except for me.

I felt his eyes on me the second I was visible to him on the sidewalk. I also knew- somehow- that he was furious. My headphones fell off, landing hard on my shoulders as I continued to run.

“Y/n,” he shouted.

I ignored him on the rooftops and made a sharp turn into the very alley he saved me in, almost slipping on the wet pavement. I hadn’t thought it rained that day, but maybe it had.

“Y/n!” Raph roared, sounding much closer than before.

I pushed myself faster, harder. I was almost to the end of the alley when BAM! Raph stood before me in all of his furious glory. I always thought I would be scared of a man with a temper, but I’m not. Not with Raph, at least. His fury was beautiful. His eyes shone emerald, chest heaving as he pinned me with his gaze. I stood there frozen, breathing just as heavy as he.

“What’s wrong?” He asked through clenched teeth, scrutinizing our surroundings for… something.

“Well?” He demanded, eyes raking up and down my form. I would’ve smiled if I thought he found me attractive, but I knew better. He was only looking for injuries. He did this every time I walked into the lair, toothpick between his teeth, and grunt of approval before walking away when he saw I was unharmed.

“Who’s after you?” He said once his eyes met mine once more, confident, like always.

“Nobody,” I whispered.

“Then why were you running as if someone was about to murder you!” He shouted, no longer able to keep the anger contained.

“I just...felt like running?” I answered, looking at his fascinating feet. Everything about him was fascinating. Everything.

“Come on,” he huffed out, picking me up as if I were a toddler and holding me on his side

Quickly, I wrapped my arms around his neck, taking advantage of the proximity.

“Hold on,” he told me, jumping up to climb the building to the roof.

~~~~~~~~~~~

You sprinted out of the station as if Shredder was after you himself. Raph stayed for a few seconds to wait for the idiot who scared you. Whoever he was, he would pay. When nobody came out he ran inside to find nobody there. With a growl, he ran back out to the rooftops, shouting after you as he followed you to the alley where he cut you off, chest heaving as he tried calming down from the chase.

What were you so afraid of? There had to be something that spooked you because there was no way you would be running as if your life depended on it knowing that he or his brothers were following you home.

To protect you, of course.

Definitely not to get every moment he possibly could with you.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, teeth clenched as he searched the surroundings for any danger.

“Well?” He demanded, finding nothing as he checked you for blood.

“Who’s after you?” He said, finally able to breathe when he didn’t see any outward injuries. If he had the right to strip you, he would. 

If anything were to happen to you…. He mentally shook his head, ridding himself of the thought. Nothing was going to happen to you. Not while he and his brothers were around. He made them promise, even though he doubted he needed to. They loved you almost as much as he did.

“Nobody,” you whispered, your eyes watery, causing his fisted hands to clench. Had someone made you cry? He was going to kill the bastard. Nobody made you cry. Nobody.

“Then why were ya running as if someone was about ta murder ya!” Raph shouted, unable to hold back now that he knew you weren’t in danger.

“I just...felt like running?” You squeaked out, staring at the ground.

“Come on,” he breathed out, placing you on his hip. You immediately wrapped your arms around his neck as if this were a normal, everyday thing he did.

“Hold on,” he said under his breath, jumping for the rooftop so he could carry you home. If you were scared or wanted to get home faster, all you had to do was ask.

All you had to do for anything from him was ask.

Raph opened your window once he got to it and watched you climb in with a quiet ‘goodnight.’ He wanted to press you for answers because there was no way he believed your lie about wanting to run. You never ran anywhere that he knew of, so why would you suddenly start running now? But you looked so weary he didn’t have the heart to ask. Besides, tomorrow was movie night. He didn’t want to leave you on bad terms. He didn’t want anything to mess with movie night. So instead, he hopped up to your roof and stayed there for the night, listening to you weep for hours until you finally fell asleep.

His heart broke at the sound. 

He wanted to hold you tight and tell you everything would be okay.

He wanted to choke the bastard who did this to you.

He vowed to figure it out during movie night as he ran home with angry tears in his eyes.

“Whoa dude, what’s wrong?” Mikey asked as Raph stomped through the lair.

“Nothin’, Mikey,” he spat out before stopping in his tracks. Maybe Mikey could help him? “Actually, somethin' is wrong with Y/n.”

“Yo!” Mikey yelled out loud enough to reach every corner of the lair. “Bros! Something happened to Y/n.” Less than a minute later Raph’s three brothers and Master Splinter were waiting for an explanation.

“Yes, my son? What has happened?” Master Splinter patiently asked.

At the end of his short tale, they were all nodding in agreement to figure out what was wrong. Unfortunately none of them knew which turtle you would open up to the easiest, so they figured they would take turns. Starting with Mikey to cheer you up when he left later to walk you back to the lair.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up later than intended- much later, as in waking in the afternoon later- red-eyed and weary from the tears shed the night before. I had decided, once I had calmed down enough to think beyond losing the boys- most especially Raph- that tonight would be my last movie night. At least, for a while. I also planned on telling them they need not walk me home after work. Granted, I had no idea how I planned on convincing them that they weren’t needed. 

Maybe I could tell them I’m moving? Getting a new job?

I sighed, looking into the mirror. If tonight was going to be my last night seeing Ra- them, then I would make the most of it. I decided I would look my best, without looking desperate...hopefully. Sadly, this meant I did not get to start my new book since l only had about an hour until Mikey would be here to pick me up. Yet another reason to stop burdening the boys. Regretting the fact that I wouldn’t get to wear pajamas like I usually do on movie nights, I trudged to my closet.

A little over an hour later Mikey found me in the middle of brushing just a tad bit of make-up on; to cover up my red-rimmed eyes. 

“Whoa angelcakes,” he drawled once I stepped out of the bathroom, eyeing my long, fitted sweater dress- because it gets cold in the lair- and warm leggings with comfortable Chuck Taylors. 

See? Not desperate. Comfy.

“Raph is gonna lov-” He stopped himself short when I gave him a quizzical look. “I mean, you look hot, dudette. Got any plans tonight?” he wiggled, what one would call, his eyebrows, erupting a giggle out of me. 

“Only to hang out with my besties, that’s all,” I shrugged, grabbing my phone, hoping he wouldn’t comment about my not-so-usual outfit once we got to the lair. I really did not want it made more obvious than it already is.

“Sounds like the best plan, but are you sure you don’t wanna bring pj’s for after?”

“I’m sure, Mikey,” I smiled reassuringly up at him as he plucked me up out of the window and onto the roof. “These are just as comfortable as pajamas, promise.”

“Okay then, let’s go,” he helped me onto his shell. “Can’t wait to beat you in a new racing game I got,” he hopped from roof to roof, holding me tight. I couldn’t help but compare his smaller, bulky size to Raph. I don’t think I would have been able to hold on to his shell quite as well.

“You’re on, man. But don’t come crying to me when you lose.”

He barked out a laugh and we stayed silent until we got to the man-hole cover.

“Hey, angelcakes,” Mikey started sheepishly when we got to the bottom of the ladder, scratching the back of his neck. “I wanted to ask…”

“Yeah?” I gave him an encouraging smile.

“Did somethin’ spook you last night?” He blurted out.

“No,” I furrowed my brows, confused about where this is coming from. Unless…

“Raph said you were running for your life after you got off the subway. I just wanted to make sure everything is okay.”

“Oh,” I tried thinking of an excuse, averting my gaze. “I just didn’t want to be a burden, is all.”

Not a complete lie.

“A burden?” He looked shocked as I turned toward their home and started walking that way, hoping to hide my despondency. “You’re not a burden, angelcakes! Besides, before that night in the alley, Raph was already-”

I stopped in my tracks as Mikey sauntered ahead.

“I mean, we like making sure you're okay. We don’t want a repeat of that night we first met,” he continued rambling, but I wasn’t listening. I wanted to know what he was gonna say about Raph. After a few steps he realized I wasn’t next to him anymore. “Come on, Y/n. Don’t want ya to get lost.”

I nodded, unwilling to ask my question as we continued our trek to the lair. I took a deep, calming breath to brace myself before entering the living room area where I knew Splinter, the wonderful father that he is, would be prepping for homemade pizza. Donnie had made an old brick oven not long ago and built it directly underneath a grate above that they only opened when baking pizza so the smoke would have an escape. I found it ingenious because now they could have pizza whenever they wanted. Which was always. A small smile formed at the thought.

Not five steps in and Raph blocked my path, arms crossed as he assessed me for injuries. I stared straight into his chest, unable to meet his all-seeing gaze. He would know something was wrong the moment we made eye contact, he always did.

“Bro, she’s fiiiine,” Mikey sang, lightly punching Raph’s shoulder as he walked by. “I would never let anything happen to her. She is my precious sister, after all.”

Raph ignored him, grunting in approval with a curt nod before walking away. Allowing me to breathe again, not realizing I had held my breath in the first place.

~~~~~~~~~~

Raph was anxious to see you. He had been attempting to work it off all day, to no avail. Everytime he closed his eyes he saw you, standing in front of him, looking small, keeping your thoughts to yourself. 

He growled in frustration, clenching his hands into fists. If only he knew what had you so utterly shattered last night.

He needed to see you.

He needed to know you were safe.

Raph breathed out a sigh of relief when he heard you and Mikey coming, but stopped short when he saw what you were wearing. Vaguely, he wondered where you had come from to be looking so good. That red sweater stuck to your form as if it was painted on. It may have covered almost every inch of skin from your thighs up, but it hardly left room for the imagination. Thos leggings did the same.

Where were your baggy pj’s?

Robotically, he blocked your path to determine if you had been hurt. Really though, it was all a ruse. He just wanted to have a good look at you. He crossed his arms over his chest to keep himself from holding you close. The fact that you wouldn’t meet his gaze had his blood running cold. You always at least gave him a tentative glance and a smile. Next to him, Mikey said something about you being his precious sister, but all he could think was that you were his precious everything. He didn’t even feel his brother’s light punch as he walked by.

He grunted as if saying “that’ll do” and walked away, wishing he knew what was wrong. Wishing he could make it all better.

“I’m gonna go help Donnie with something before we play, okay Mikey?” You spoke barely above a whisper before heading to Donnie’s lab. 

The moment you were out of sight he rounded on Mikey. “So wha’ didya find out?” he growled in in his face.

“Nothin’, bro!” Mikey held his hands up in surrender, backing away. “She said something like not wanting to be a burden. I don’t know. She was kinda quiet though. I barely got her to smile.”

“But nothin’ ‘bout wha’ scared her?” he asked low, peeking around to make sure you hadn’t decided to come back.

“Nadda. Just said she didn’t wanna be a burden. I told her she’s not. That we like takin’ her home, but,” he paused when he noticed Raph shaking, stiff as a board. “Uh-oh…”

Raph stomped away toward Donnie’s lab, barely able to comprehend what Mikey was telling him. 

You? A burden?

Never.

He planned on shaking you to your senses until he heard what you were saying to Donnie.

“...gonna take some self-defense classes so you guys don’t have to walk me home anymore. What do you think?”

Raph leaned against the wall, going to a whole new level of low with eavesdropping. He decided it was worth it if he could figure out what was wrong.

“We could teach you,” Donnie offered offhandedly. “Besides, we like taking you home. We can actually have a conversation as we protect you.”

“Nah, you guys are busy as it is,” you paused. “Plus, I don’t want to bother you guys even more.”

“What are you talking about, Y/n?” Something clattered, a sign that you have Donnie’s full attention. “You’re no bother. Did something happen?”

“No, nothing happened,” you sighed before continuing quietly. “I just- I might be getting another job-”

“You’re a terrible liar, you know that, right?” Donnie chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Is this about last night? I heard you were running from something.”

“Ugh! I wanted to get home faster! That’s all,” you fumed, stomping a foot, demanding why the boys kept asking you about last night.

“We’re worried, Y/n,” Donnie stated calmly. “You spend a lot of time with us. That could make you a target. Especially if anyone figures out how much you mean to Ra- uh… us.”

“Fine,” you seethed. “I’ll stop hanging out with you guys, then. That way nobody will have to worry about my safety.”

Donnie’s call for you fell on deaf ears as Raph snuck into the darkened room across from the lab, your steps echoed down the hall. He sunk low in the shadows and held his head close to his knees, eyes shut tight in a sad attempt to keep the tears from flowing freely. He couldn’t breathe. His heart felt as though it were being shattered into a million pieces.

You were leaving? The thought ricocheted through his brain.

What had happened to bring this about? Everything was fine until last night.

Maybe someone got to you already? The thought had his blood boiling. Allowed him to breathe. He had a purpose; to find out what happened in the ten minutes you were on the subway. He was determined to keep you close. Keep you safe. No matter the cost. Even if he had to lock you in his room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry. Also, I accidently switched back to 3rd person for the readers pov at the end of this. Oh, and some violence. Ummm....I have no idea what happened. I had no control, I swear.
> 
> This is what happens when I write fanfic at 3am....
> 
> Warning: violence

I stormed out of Donnie’s lab to find Leo. He was considered a leader, maybe he would understand. Maybe he would get my hints. Or maybe I could convince him it was a waste of their time to see me home. Maybe-

“Oomph.”

“Whoa there, Y/n,” he set his hands on my shoulders, steadying me. I looked up through teary, frustrated eyes to find the very brother I had been looking for and launched, wrapping my arms around his neck as the tears silently flowed. He continued to hold me, rubbing gentle circles on my back as he cooed about how everything was going to be okay before I finally loosened my hold. He kept me in a loose embrace, looking down at me with worried eyes like any big brother would. I had always felt that brotherly pull toward all of them, except Raph; who made me feel warm and embarrassed and safe and frustrated.

“S-sorry,” I sniffled, rubbing the tears off my damp cheeks as my sight fell to our surroundings. Anything but him.

“Hey,” he leaned down to my eye level, shaking me gently to grab my attention. “Hey hey hey. There’s no need for apologies. Why don’t you tell me what happened so I can pummel who did this to you. Was it Raph?”

“Wha- Raph- Why?” I shook my head and met his ocean blues with a determined gaze. “That doesn’t matter- I think you guys should stop following me home-”

“Wha-”

“It’s not worth your time-”

“That’s not-”

“All of you have better things to do than make sure I get home safe-”

“Y/n,” Leo demanded my attention once more. “What brought this on? We want to make sure you get home safe. It’s not any trouble or a waste of time. We would do anything for you.”

“But-”

“You mean everything to-” He cleared his throat and towered above me, shifting on his feet. “Uh… to us. You’re like a sister to us. And we don’t let anybody hurt our family.”

“Oh,” I breathed out, not feeling quite so burdensome. “Then maybe don’t force Raph to-”

“Raph? He’s the one who-”

“Yo! Dudette!” Mikey called from the couch just on the other side of the room. “When are we gonna race!?”

“Coming!” I answered with a tight laugh before looking back up at Leo. “Are my eyes red? You think anyone will notice?”

“No,” Leo smiled down at me. “Especially not Mikey.”

“Good,” I tiptoed up to peck his cheek with a quick thanks and skipped off to the couch, spirits lifted.

~~~~~~~~~~

Leo found Raph sitting against a wall in the darkened dojo, looking dejected. 

“She asked for us to stop accompanying her home,” Leo told him, voice quiet in hopes of not upsetting his brother.

Silence reigned, so he tried again as he sat next to Raph.

“She thinks we have better things to do than keep her safe.”

“Fine,” Raph sounded rough- defeated- hopeless.

“It’s not fine, Raph. She thinks she’s a burden,” Leo dragged his brother off the cold floor and slammed him against the wall.

“I heard ya, Fearless,” Raph growled out, shoving Leo out of his space. “Just like I heard her beggin ya not to force me-” he choked out. 

So this was your problem. Nobody got to you in the subway, except yourself. You didn’t want him and his brothers watching out for you anymore. You thought you weren’t worth their time- his time. Worst of all, he was the one that made you feel this way. Somehow he made you think you weren’t worth his time. That you weren’t good enough for him.

“You have to change her mind, brother,” Leo stated, calmer than he felt.

“Me?” Raph’s eyes bulged, incredulous. “No- I- I can’t. I’ll just mess it up. She already thinks- Just tell her I won’t follow her home if she doesn’t want me to,” he trailed quietly in the end.

“I’m not your messenger,” Leo ground out menacingly, getting nose-to-nose with Raph. “Fix this or you’re going to lose her.”

There was nothing Raph could say to that even if he wanted to. It was the truth and he was terrified he had already lost you.

~~~~~~~~~~

Mikey and I were halfway through our last race when I noticed Raph and Leo walk in out of the corner of my eye, distracting me. Knocking me off the road. Or so I’d like to blame them when Mikey jumped up, rubbing his victory in my face. I ignored him. Setting the controller down I glanced back where I saw Raph minutes ago, only to find him staring down at me barely an arm’s length away, a slice of my favorite pizza in hand.

I was stunned, to say the least, as my eyes shifted between him and the pizza he seemed to be offering me.

“Ya hungry?” He asked, raising the pizza closer to my nose.

“Uh, yeah,” I timidly reached for the slice, being extra careful not to touch Raph. One touch and I knew I’d be back to square one of Operation: Move on from Raph. While playing the videogame with Mikey I had decided I may not be able to get the guys to stay away, considering they all seem to be adamant about keeping me safe, but I could control how close I am to Raph. Ergo, the plan to stay away from him. To keep me from crushing even harder on him. To keep my heart safe. To keep my sanity.

Leo was right, I am family. To most of them, at least, and Raph wasn’t going to keep me away.

“Ready for the movie?” He asked, surprising me. Normally he didn’t start conversation with me. It was always nods and grunts. We had a… strange friendship (if one could call it that), now that I thought about it. We never really talked, but I had always felt magnetized toward him. Probably due to the fact that he saved my life.

“Uh… yeah,” I bit into my pizza, turning away so as to not be intimidated. He was at least a foot taller than me and nobody could ever tell me those muscles weren’t unnerving. When I wasn’t drooling over them, that is. “I’ll probably just sit on the bean bag, by the way, so I’m not so much of a bother.”

“Yer not a bother,” he said, voice husky, drawing my attention. 

“My children,” Splinter stated. “You all know where drinks and more pizza is if you wish for more. I shall be meditating in the dojo. Enjoy your movie.” 

We all mumbled our thanks through mouthfuls of pizza as he strode away. I took the chance to move away from Raph and sat down on the edge of the couch, glaring at Donnie, who stole the bean bag and pretended like he had no idea that’s where I planned on sitting. Mikey started the movie as Leo turned down the lights.

I had just started to relax when I was suddenly lifted, only to be sat back down on Raph’s lap as he loosely held me in his arms. I stiffened in his hold, willing my heart to calm down. Reminding myself not to get comfortable, that I was going home directly after the movie. 

“Relax,” his breath tickled my ear as his arms snaked around my waist, pulling me closer. 

I nodded, unable to formulate any words as I unconsciously melted into his hold.

“You always sit here. On my lap,” he continued to whisper, resting his head on my shoulder. “Where you belong.”

What did he just say?

~~~~~~~~~~

You froze in Raph’s arms, breaths becoming uneven as the movie carried on. He had no idea what movie was picked for the night. Nor did he care. His mission: to confess all, hoping beyond hope that you wouldn’t run away from him. He supposed he could always keep you trapped in his embrace, never to leave him. But he figured you wouldn’t like that much if you did decide to leave. 

Eventually, after what seemed an eternity, you relaxed. Not long after that, he heard soft snores rise to his ears. He decided that was his cue to carry you to bed. His bed. And this time he laid down next to you, more than a little unwilling to let you out of his sight, hopeful for tomorrow.

He laid there, intent on watching you sleep peacefully- just until he had to go on patrol. When you snuggled closer into his chest, his heart soared. Hair fell across your face and with a shaky hand he gently, carefully tucked it behind your ear. You sighed, stopping his heart. Vaguely, he wondered what he could possibly do to win you over. Eventually, he allowed himself to rest his arm around your waist, hoping it didn’t crush you. 

After a half an hour or so, Leo knocked lightly on his door, signalling it was time to go above ground. Reluctantly, Raph removed his arm from on top of you, but you latched on- stopping him cold, afraid he woke you up. After a few seconds he realized you were still sleeping, slowly he slid his arm out of your grip and tip-toed out of his room without a glance over his shoulder. Although it didn’t seem to help the temptation to crawl back into bed with you.

Once out of the sewers they flew rooftop to rooftop, looking for thugs, Foot, Kraang- anything to make the night go faster. Thankfully, his brothers left him alone, but that also made it a quiet night. Which allowed his mind to work on overdrive. Distracting him with thoughts of you: the smell of your hair, your soft skin, your curves, the way you felt in his arms- so small in his grasp. Granted, most humans were small compared to him and his brothers.

So when they came across a handful of Foot, his mind was elsewhere. So much so, he scarcely noticed the glint of a blade coming at him. He blocked it with his sais. Just barely, forcing it to slide off the edge of his three-pronged weapons and sliced up his arm. He hissed at the burning sensation that seeped deep into his muscles- deeper than the cut itself was. He spun around to plunge with his uninjured arm, but was stopped short by an arrow flying into his bicep, forcing out a roar before he fell to his knees. 

His brothers were quick to surround him, easily knocking the swordsman down as the archer fled the scene, but not before forewarning them of Raph’s future- who had now face-planted into the pavement.

“It’s too late,” the archer shouted down at them as Raph succumbed to darkness. “He’s as good as dead.”

~~~~~~~~~~

You woke up with a start, recognizing the familiar 80s band posters and dumbbells surrounding you. You berated yourself, astonished you actually fell asleep in Raph’s arms the night before. You weren’t supposed to stay the night. That wasn’t part of the plan. Then you remembered what Raph said. That you belonged. You felt the blood rush to your cheeks as you swung your legs off the bed, preparing to face the typical Raph. The one who only looked at you to check for injuries. The one who kept his distance. The one who hid his kind heart that you had gotten a glimpse of that first night you met. 

You took a steadying breath and made your way to the door, not expecting three somber mutants to be standing outside of Donnie’s lab.

“What’s wrong?” You looked at Splinter first, then Leo, and Mikey. None but Splinter were able to meet your gaze. “Where’s Raph?”

Suddenly, you knew something was wrong. Your breath hitched, your heart sped, and blood drained down to your toes. You were terrified.

“G-guys?” You whispered through trembling lips. The words were barely able to pass the lump in your throat.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this was going to be the last chapter...it is not lol Back to 1st person pov for the reader!
> 
> Also, the reader pov is kinda dark...just a warning 
> 
> ENJOY

It had been days. Too many to count. After the first night I went home to grab some fresh clothes and bathroom necessities to stay in the lair indefinitely. I hadn’t gone home since. I went to work, the lair, and back again. I barely spoke, ignored my friends, didn’t sleep, didn’t eat. Donnie ended up giving me a sedative when the guys figured out I hadn’t slept for almost a week. Splinter convinced me to at least try to sleep a few hours each night.

“Raphael will be upset to learn you had not slept when he wakes,” his words were like an arrow to my heart.

Soon after the sedative incident they found out I hadn’t been eating either. Mikey got stuck on feeding duty. Splinter spoke those same words, once again stabbing my heart. He was wrong, though; Raph wouldn’t be upset, he’d be furious. But then maybe he wouldn’t ever let me out of his sight again. Then he wouldn’t ever go topside again. Then he would never get hurt again.

It was worth a shot.

So Mikey fed me. Then, when the guys left for patrol and Splinter was meditating, I retched it back up- emptying my stomach of all it’s contents.

Eventually, I got fired from Dusty Books. Apparently not speaking to customers, co-workers, or the boss was cause for dismissal. Although, the bossman did say to come back when I was able to. When I was willing to talk it out, but that would never happen unless Raph woke up.

When rent was due, Splinter had the guys move my things into the lair. I even had my own room. 

I never used it.

When I did sleep, it was next to Raph. On his bed. With him. They had moved him to his bedroom after the worst of it passed. It gave us false hope, but at least he looked more comfortable in bed than on Donnie’s hard, flat lab table.

I sat next to Raph, who looked a bit weaker. Not enough to lose his intimidation factor, but enough that I had noticed his muscles didn’t strain against his rough skin, losing some of his definition. He was hooked up to an IV to keep him hydrated along with a feeding tube stuffed down his throat for nutrients. He wasn’t going to like that when he woke. The thought forced a tender smile on my lips.

Every day Leo and Donnie moved his extremities and rolled him into different positions, laying pillows between any bony protrusions to provide comfort. Donnie said it was to keep his muscles from stiffening and sores from appearing. They also bathed him every few days. They wouldn’t let me help though. Probably because I could barely lift his hand, let alone an arm or roll him to wipe his shell down.

I put my fingers on his wrist, checking for a pulse. It was the same as it had been lately: slow and weak, but it was there as I watched the steady rise and fall of his chest.

It had been six weeks and the most he had done was mumble in his sleep. His wounds had mostly healed. The stitches had been pulled and the slice up his arm was more scar tissue than scab. He was healing like a human, so Donnie said, leaving him to believe the poison that entered Raph’s system killed off most of his white blood cells. Donnie thinks some of the poison got into Raph’s bone marrow and was still affecting the production of all his blood cells: red and white alike. Once a week one of the brothers would inject their blood into his system, hoping it would kill off the poison. They had been passing around the idea that maybe they could give him a bone marrow transplant. After a month they had unanimously decided it was worth a shot. But before they could do that, Donnie had to get all the right tools and create a quarantine area in his lab. The next feat was deciding who would give their marrow. They were all a match.

Donnie was out because he had to perform the transplant.

Mikey and Leo fought daily on which would have the honor of giving their marrow. Leo, because he was the big brother, the leader, the brother who thought Raph getting hurt was his fault. If only he had been paying more attention to Raph, maybe then he wouldn’t be laying on his bed, seemingly lifeless. The guilt was chipping away at his soul. Mikey because he wanted to help in any way he could.

Splinter asked me yesterday who I thought should have the honor. I replied with Mikey. When he asked why, I told him it was because Leo was the leader, he couldn’t afford to be out of commission, but Mikey could. Plus, Mikey would keep Raph’s spirits up while they recuperated since they’d be stuck quarantined for possibly weeks as they healed, depending on if the transplant worked. Locking Raph and Leo together for a day sounded like a catastrophe, let alone, weeks.

When Splinter broke the news to them, Leo took the hit more gracefully than I thought he would until I saw him work it off the same way Raph did instead of his usual meditation. Mikey was happy to finally feel more helpful beyond babysitting me- not that he would ever call it that- and I was glad of it. He was always being underestimated by his brothers. He deserved to be able to show them that he could handle this.

Tomorrow, Donnie was going to be performing the transplant. Tomorrow, Raph could wake up. I trembled at the thought before climbing in bed next to Raph, hoping to get a few hours of sleep in before I had to say goodbye. I wasn’t going to be allowed in the lab until Raph was healthy enough to come out. Leo said it was because I’m human, that he didn’t want any possible bacteria to affect the transplant, just in case. It was precisely because Leo was informing me of this that I thought it was a lie. Donnie was a terrible liar.

~~~~~~~~~~

Raph woke up gagging. His heavy, shaking arms slowly made their way to a thin tube that was taped to his lip. He pulled, allowing gravity to control his movement, causing his arms to thump onto his bed. Still, there was tube left in his throat. He choked, going through the movement one more time when, finally, he could breath- even if it was heavy, as if his lungs had to lift a building with each breath. When the breathing became easier he forced his eyes to open despite the glue that wanted to keep them closed. The room was dim and blurry, as if looking through an unfocused camera lens. He blinked it away before turning his neck one way, then the other with a groan, to find he was in bed, surrounded by a thick, plastic curtain with Mikey snoring loudly next to him in his own bed. He felt stiff and sore.

What had happened?

He moved an arm to rub his head, feeling a headache coming on, but was stopped by a tugging sensation. He glanced down to find an IV was stuck in his inner elbow. He yanked it out, using more force than he thought was necessary, but his arm felt to be made of lead. He let the blood flow, knowing it would stop in a few seconds.

“Mikey,” Raph attempted to wake his brother up, but his voice came out airy and rough, scratching his dry throat. He wondered how long he had been out. He tried sitting up by grabbing the pole with the IV bag next to him, but his arms couldn’t seem to lift him. Frustrated, he growled, forcing a coughing fit to shake his being.

“R-Raph?” One of his brothers called out seconds later through all the coughing, sounding surprised. Finally, the fit ended. He heard something clatter to the ground and figured it was Donnie. “Ohmygosh, just a second. I’ll get you some water.” He heard rustling, as if Donnie was putting on clothes, along with muttering incoherently.

A minute passed. Two. Donnie’s hand entered through the curtain, covered in a pink, rubber glove, holding a bottle of water. Raph furrowed his eyes, wondering why his brother was wearing a rubber glove and gently took the bottle from him. Moving his arm was becoming easier, even if it wasn’t quite up to standard. The bottle felt heavy in his hand as he brought it to his lips, drinking the sweet, heaven-sent nectar.

“Don’t drink too fast,” Donnie said.

“Wha-” Raph cleared his throat. “What happened?”

“You got hurt,” his brother sounded sad. At his words, shadows danced across his vision.

The clanging of metal against metal. The glint of a sword. Feathers at the end of an arrow. His muscles burning and heavy, unwilling to move.

“The Foot,” Raph whispered, not completely understanding.

“There was poison on the sword and on the arrow tip. I think-” Donnie audibly swallowed. “I think it attacked your white blood cells and some got in your bone marrow. We had to do a transplant. You were- you were, uh…”

“I was what, Donnie?” Raph asked, more curious than anything.

“Whoa….” Mikey whispered out, snapping Raph’s gaze to his youngest brother. “It worked.”

“I’ll be back. I need to let the others know you’re awake.”

Minutes passed with Mikey’s incessant talking about what had happened while he was asleep. How long he had been out cold. That the transplant was three days ago. How his gaming scores were. Donnie’s theories on what the poison was and how it worked. That Leo wanted to give his marrow, but Sensei wouldn’t let him because he would much rather wake up to his favorite brother by his side. Raph chuckled at that, allowing some of his worries to wane. Mikey hesitated before telling him you had been staying in the lair. The thought had his heart thundering in his ears, tuning Mikey out.

You were there? In the lair? This whole time? He finally was able to sit up at the thought of seeing you. Guilt immediately consumed him for causing you to worry. He would have to convince you to go home and not worry about him. He wasn’t worth the trouble. Besides, he was fine. You deserved better than the sewers.

He heard the door creak open, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Raphael,”

“Yeah, Sensei?” Raph’s voice was starting to go back to normal, now that it wasn’t so dry.

“My son,” Splinter choked out. “You are awake. I am glad. You worried us.”

“I’m fine-”

“You are not fine,” Leo growled out. “You’ve basically been in a coma for six weeks.”

“Nice to see you too, brother,” Raph smirked, happy to hear his family, even if he couldn’t see more than big green and brown blurs through the plastic. He waited for your voice on bated breath, slumping when it never came.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point I believe I have been sucked into a bitter black hole, never to return.  
> Honestly, this has gotten way outta hand lol

I woke up in an unfamiliar room, cardboard boxes littered the ground, a few books scattered on the dresser, and familiar, dirty clothes were piled in a corner. Then I realized; I was in my own room. But how? I had fallen asleep next to Raph. On his bed. With him. I sat up in my bed, flipped the blankets off of myself and stumbled to the closed door. I turned the knob, but it didn’t budge. I pushed and pulled a few times before panic started to set in. Had the guys locked me in? But why? Did they really think I would jeopardize Raph’s health? Was he okay? Did something happen?

A few minutes ticked by. Five. Ten. Thirty, as my panic slowly ebbed into fury. My short, quick breaths turned into deep heaves as it all clicked together.

Leo.

He must have carried me in here before they moved Raph into the lab and then locked me in! Like an animal! Something not worthy of trust!

I seethed, pacing back and forth until I couldn’t stand the silence any longer. I banged on the door, yelling for someone to let me out. It didn’t take long for the culprit himself to appear.

“Y/n.”

“Leo,” I ground out through clenched teeth. “Let me out.”

“I can’t do that,” he almost sounded regretful about it. “You know I can’t.”

“I call bull! Tell me the truth,” I demanded. “Why can’t I go see Raph? I’ll go through all the precautions. I won’t even touch him if you say I can’t. I’ll do-”

“Raph will flip out the moment he lays eyes on you. That’s why,” he said low, like he was trying to stay calm. “He needs to rest and not be stressed in any way when he wakes and if he sees you- well, I’m certain he’ll go on a rampage.”

“Wh-what do you mean?” I whimpered, barely keeping my tears at bay. “You me-mean he ha-hates m-me?” My knees buckled and I hit the unforgiving floor- hard, but I didn’t feel the jarring impact. I was numb to all pain by this point. The stress, the anxiety, the worry, the fear that Raph would never wake- It consumed me down to my soul.

“No! Shell no!” Leo banged on the door a few times, grabbing my attention as tears streamed silently down my cheeks. “Raph- he-he- ugh! He cares about you more than anything, that’s all-”

“He does?” I sniveled, unbelieving. I know Raph cared for my safety and did everything he could to keep me from being harmed, but caring about me more than his weights? His sais? His father and brothers? I doubted that. He could barely stand my presence except on movie nights for reasons I would never understand.

“Yeah. Of course he does, Y/n,” Leo cooed through the cold, metal door, cutting through my thoughts. “If he didn’t, then I wouldn’t have locked you in your room.”

“Well,” I dried my wet cheeks, sniffling. “I guess I have lost a little weight.”

“Yeah….” He was so quiet and sounded so unsure- so unlike himself- that I barely heard him through the door. “A little.”

I searched the room for my closet door mirror until I found it laying sideways between the wall and some boxes. I dragged it out, leaning it against the wall. The girl in the reflection barely looked like me. I lost weight, more than a little. Before, I had a few extra pounds. Enough that covered my bony joints and gave me some curves in the right places, along with a small pudge, cushy thighs, and arms that looked stronger than they really were. Now though, I could see those bony protrusions and my pudge was gone, leaving my stomach concave. My pants-held by a belt- swallowed my thighs and my once strong looking arms were sticks. I had become sickly pale, the bags under my eyes held truth to the fact that I hadn’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in weeks. Even my hair had become thin and brittle- mousy.

“Y/n?” I heard Leo call out, door still closed and locked.

I ignored him, now understanding why it would be bad if Raph saw me like this as I sunk onto bed. But I had wanted this, hadn’t I? To keep him from leaving my side. To keep him from going topside again. To keep him safe.

Still, I hoped it would be enough.

“Y/n?” Leo peeked his head in the door, looking concerned. “I’ll keep you updated on everything, okay? And-”

“Don’t tell him about- about-” I started, a little frantic and unsure of what I was trying to say. What, exactly, did I want to keep from Raph? Leo let me ruminate in silence. “Everything,” I breathed out, staring down at my skeletal hands in my lap.

“Everything?” He stepped into my room.

“Yeah,” I nodded, unwilling to meet his gaze. “About moving in, my job, my sleeping habits- everything.”

“Okay, I’ll make sure we don’t tell him anything. In the meantime, though, how about I get you something to eat?”

“Sure,” I mumbled, lying down. “You sure I have to stay locked in here?”

“Yeah,” regret tinged his tone once more. “I’m sorry. I don’t want Raph barging in when he’s first able to.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been three days since Raph woke up and he had yet to hear even a peep out of you. Donnie had expanded his and Mikey’s plastic quarantined room to cover half his lab. Enough so Raph could walk around a little now that his strength was coming back. Granted, he could only walk a few laps before his breathing got heavy, but every day a bit of his strength was coming back- at mutant speed- and he was more than thankful. If only a certain little lady would come to visit, then everything would be going perfect.

The first couple of days he thought maybe you were at work when he was awake or maybe his brothers hadn’t told you that you could visit yet. But it was close to the end of day three as he got up again to walk a few laps and you had yet to show. His patience was growing thin. It was like pulling teeth to get Mikey to even mention your name.

“Where is she?” He grumbled before glaring at his youngest brother across the room. Donnie had brought in one of his extra monitors and Mikey’s game system for entertainment. Raph got bored of it real fast, but that was okay with him because he needed to focus on getting his strength back so he could hunt you down- make sure you were unharmed and well. He had to see you with his own eyes. He was starting to think something had to be wrong or that you didn’t want anything to do with him anymore with the way all his brothers were skirting around the subject.

“At least tell me she’s not injured,” he shouted at Mikey.

“Who?” He asked, acting dumb.

“You know who, Numbskull,” Raph marched in Mikey’s direction, growling. “Y/n.”

Raph noticed his brother flinch before he answered. “She’s fine, bro. Donnie’s just worried some kinda human bacteria mi-”

“I know what Donnie said!” Raph growled intimidatingly, grabbing his brother by the shell, forcing him to pay attention. “But the way ev’ryone’s been actin’ ya’d think she died or somethin’.”

“Look, Raph,” Mikey held his hands up in surrender, voice shaky with fear. “It’s not my fault, okay? I was told not to say anyth-”

“What are ya talkin’ about!” Raph roared in his face, the commotion had his other brothers slamming the lab door open.

“What’s going on?” Leo demanded, using the tone that his brothers knew not to deny.

Raph obliged all too willingly as he shoved his youngest brother away, knocking him off balance. “Mikey here says tha’ he’s not suppose’ ta be tellin’ me somethin’.”

“Oh,” eerie silence reigned over the room.

“It’s not cos of the bacteria thing, is it? That’s not why she hasn’ been ta visit,” Raph filled the silence, his voice confident.

“No,” Donnie replied in defeat. Raph saw Leo’s head snap to their brother, even through the thick plastic he knew all too well the daggers Donnie received.

“Tell me!” Raph boomed, wishing he had a table to flip over before continuing in his most menacing voice. “Or I’m gonna rip this plastic wall ta shreds and find her. Even if I have ta rip New York apart brick by brick.”

“I’ll tell you, Raph,” Leo was quick to acquiesce. “Just, please, don’t freak out.”

“I won’t freak out.”

“You say that now, but you haven’t see her-”

“Donnie!” Leo cut off his brother from saying more. “You’re not helping.”

“Sorry,” Donnie mumbled, shuffling his feet.

“I’m waiting,” Raph stated impatiently.

“She doesn’t look like how you remember, brother.”

“Whaddya mean? Who hurt her? I’m gonna kill the-”

“Nobody hurt her, okay?” Leo extolled quickly and waited until Raph grunted in understanding. “Just listen until I’m done and don’t freak out.”

Another grunt. Leo sighed, wishing he had more time to get your weight back up, but you hadn’t been eating as much as he would have liked since the transplant. Barely anything at all, really. So, he was forced to break the promise he made to you that day and spilled everything. How you cried- inconsolable- when you heard the news of his injuries. That they had to pry you away from his side when they bathed him. How you didn’t sleep more than a few hours a night, if that. That you were barely eating and that each of them had caught you, at least once, retching the food back up. About your job, losing your apartment, moving into the lair- everything. His brothers stayed silent as Leo spoke, not once interrupting. It was unnerving, to say the least, to see Mikey, normally so full of life, curl in on himself, to see the faraway look in his eyes as he remembered it all.

Raph didn’t want to believe a word of anything his brother said, but the more he spoke, the more he knew Leo wouldn’t lie to him about someone he cared about. Especially when it came to you. His heart grew heavier with every passing word as his fists clenched tighter and tighter.

This was his fault. If only he had seen that stupid blade. Then you’d be happy. Then he would have already told you how he feels about you- that you’re his everything. That without you, life was dark and meaningless. Maybe you two would be together. Maybe you and him would be on a rooftop somewhere, looking out at the city lights after eating a midnight picnic he set up for a date. Maybe he would be holding you tight instead of being stuck in quarantine with his ugly mug of a brother.

“It’s like, without you, she didn’t wanna live,” Leo’s somber words cut through his self-deprecating thoughts as he finished the heart-wrenching tale. “She became this….empty shell. Void of any cares unless it came to you.”

“She-” Raph swallowed the lump in his throat. He couldn’t believe what he was about to ask. “She hasn’t hurt ‘erself, has she?”

“No,” Leo was quick to reassure. “We were getting worried she might, though. So we took precautions.”

“Good,” he grunted out, thankful his family kept you as safe as they could.

“She really cares about you, Raph,” Donnie spoke softly, reverently.

Those words filled him with hope. Even as Raph told himself you probably would’ve been the same way had any of them been in his place. But he wanted to believe that he was special. That he was the only one you would wither away for. 

For now though, he would wait to see you. He needed to process everything Leo told him and be certain he could control his reaction when he first saw you again. He refused to lose it when he saw you again. Refused to lose control. He didn't want to scare you away before he had you in his arms.


	8. Chapter 8

Three excruciating days after the transplant, Leo finally let me free. I had re-read most of my books, listened to all of my music on repeat more than I’d like to admit, and stared at the ceiling for countless hours. I was surprisingly relieved when he told me that he had to break our promise. At least I now knew Raph didn’t over-stress himself over the information. Plus, it was nice knowing there wasn’t much for him to break if he lost his temper during quarantine. I figured Mikey could hold his own against his weakened brother if it did come to blows. Thankfully, it did not. I heard he also took it rather well. Which simultaneously made me happy that he kept his cool and had me doubting what little effect I may have once had over him.

I could only hope he still cared about my welfare to get him to stay in the lair indefinitely.

Still, it was nice to leave my room. The first place I went was Raph’s room. Where I found there was no bed because they had carried him on his bed into the quarantine room. So he would be more comfortable when he woke. I hoped he appreciated his brothers’ thoughtfulness. I then peeked into the lab to find both Raph and Mikey snoring, disappointing me slightly. I would’ve liked to see how well he was doing for myself. With a sigh, I made my way toward the living room and plopped myself onto the giant bean bag and turned on the tv to enjoy my newfound freedom. A few minutes later, spaghetti was resting on my lap as if I had conjured it. I looked up to find Leo sitting on the couch, making it known that he wasn’t leaving until I had eaten at least a few bites.

He was really throwing off my groove with this whole ‘forcing me to eat thing’. How was I supposed to convince Raph to stay in the lair if I didn’t look sick? Plus, it was hard to eat anymore. Those weeks I went barely eating were affecting me more than I wanted to admit. But if it kept Raph safe, it was worth it.

A few bites in I expected him to leave. Instead, he flicked his gaze between my plate and eyes, raising a brow in challenge. I huffed, but continued eating. Spaghetti was my favorite, after all, so I figured a few extra bites wouldn’t hurt. Eventually he was satisfied and left the room for the dojo. 

I waited on bated breath until I heard the swishing of his katanas before sneaking off for the restroom. I needed to empty my stomach, and fast. Unfortunately, I bumped into Donnie on my way, who dragged me back to the living room area. His excuse was that he wanted to watch a movie with me.

This pattern continued for the following few days. To my utter frustration.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was the day. The day Raph and Mikey were finally going to get out of quarantine. The day he was going to get to see you, and he couldn’t wait. He was more anxious than the first night they went topside and that was saying something.

Three days after Leo had spilled his guts about what had been going on with you and Raph felt he was almost at 100 percent. Sure, he still needed a few extra hours of sleep, to get some muscle back, and get his cardio up a bit more, but he finally got the okay from Donnie to get out of this bubble. All Donnie had to do was some last minute blood tests to make sure there was no more poison in his system and that their immune systems were up to crack after the transplant. When he gave the all clear, Raph ripped the plastic down and asked where to find you.

Raph asked everyone not to tell you that he was going to be out of quarantine because he wanted to see you before you saw him. He needed to see how true the stories were. He needed to make sure he could compose himself before you saw him.

He stopped dead in his tracks when he found you sitting alone on the couch, watching tv. A banana laid next to you, untouched, and he wondered if you had eaten yet. You needed to eat. You were so small, waif-like really. The curves he so loved on you had disappeared. Replaced with fragile looking bone. You looked exhausted with dark bags and droopy eyes. Your skin was paler than he had ever seen and your hair looked thin, not that he knew much about that, but it used to have a mind of its own. Now it was flat and lifeless. His heart broke at the sight.

Slowly- quietly- he made his way toward you. You had yet to notice him and he needed all the strength he could muster not to go off on you. Why had you not taken care of yourself- especially when you found out he was alive and well. Why had you not slept better? Ate more?

Raph grabbed the banana from behind the couch and handed it to you.

“Not hungry,” you said with barely a glance.

“Ya look hungry ta me,” he rasped, unable to speak above a whisper looking at you.

Your head snapped up at the sound of his voice with so much velocity your entire body spun around, causing you to slip off the couch, arms flailing. He caught you though, and stood you up on the couch, now at eye-level.

“Raph!” You beamed up at him, wide-eyed, and threw your bird-like arms around his neck. Gently, he reciprocated with a loose hold around your waist, worried he might hurt you as he buried his nose at the crook of your neck. You looked so fragile, and he had always been like a bull in a china shop.

“Why’d you do this?” He didn’t mean to ask- he really didn’t- but he had to know. You stiffened in his hold and tried to back out of the hug, but he held you where you were. He didn’t want you falling off the couch. And he sure as shell did not want to let go. If he worried about your safety before, now he was even more concerned. There was no way he was going to let you out of his sight anytime soon. “Wha’ were you thinkin’ Swee’heart?” His voice was muffled and broken.

“I just- I wasn’t hungry, that’s all,” you shrugged in his hold as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“Y/n,” Raph demanded your attention with a growl, now looking you in the eyes as he held you steady by the waist. “There’s a diffe’ence between not feelin’ hungry and starvin’ yerself!”

“Raph-”

“Don’tcha ‘Raph’ me, Princess,” he let go and stepped around the couch. You followed his every move, sitting back down while he paced between you and the tv. “Leo told me ev’rythin’. And Mikey. They were worried sick! Don’tcha know what ya mean ta them! Huh!”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Raph was fuming as my heart beat wildly in my chest. Two pet names in the span of a couple minutes? It was almost too much to endure along with the fact that he was saying more than three words to me at a time until my heart sunk at the mention of his brothers and asking what I meant to them. Not him. Them. Still, I couldn’t tear my gaze away.

He was awake.

He was moving.

He was alive.

And he was just as strong as ever before.

“They were startin’ ta worry you might hurt yerself, Y/n.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, bowing my head in shame. “I wouldn’t do that.” Unless he had died, I thought to myself, remembering that night he came back injured. My first thought at the time was that I couldn’t live without him. My second; that I wouldn’t.

“Good. And I appreciate ya stayin’ next ta me an’ all, but ya shoulda got betta sleep,” he continued ranting, burning a hole in the floor with his pacing. “What if I had hurt ya in my sleep? What if I woke up an’ panicked? Huh? What then?”

“I-”

“I woulda neva been able to forgive myself if somethin’ had happened ta ya. And then I wake up without a peep from ya and learn ya lost ya job, and ya apartment. That ya haven’ slept or ate. Do ya realize how worried I was?” 

I couldn’t help but snap my head up at that tidbit of news. 

“And look at ya! Ya turned inta skin a bones.” 

“It’s not like I was that pretty before…” I muttered under my breath, fiddling with my fingers as I remembered all those times I wore something extra pretty to get a reaction out of him to no avail. I had secretly hoped the last time he would suddenly realize what was in front of him, but then-

Raph stopped dead, fists clenched at his sides, chest heaving as he raked his molten emerald gaze over my form. So much like he used to do when checking for injuries. In less than a beat those same eyes turned sharp as the blade that sliced his arm. “What. Did. You. Just. Say,” he growled out, sounding feral, enunciating every word with the same precision he uses with his sais.

“No-nothin’,” I stuttered out, attempting to sink myself into the back of the couch. Wishing I could disappear as he sauntered his way over, forcing me to meet his furious eyes.

“I don’t eva wanna hear that again. Yer gorgeous. The most beautiful thing I had eva seen. Do ya hear me?”

My heart stopped, mouth gaped, and eyes bulged. If he noticed my shock, he ignored it.

“I’m takin’ full responsability,” he said pointedly as I tried to remember how to breathe. “I’m gonna make sure ya get food in ya. That it stays in ya. An’ that ya get the best sleep of yer life, Swee’heart.”

Suddenly- before I could even process that he planned on becoming my caretaker- he was on his knees before me, arms wrapped around my waist as he set his head in my lap. “I wanted ta run ta ya the moment I heard. I wanted ta knock some sense inta ya. But now that I see ya...I’m neva gonna let ya outta my sight.”

Jackpot.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized I made an error....reader has a roommate and I wrote somewhere that reader lost their apartment. Let’s all pretend reader’s friend had no choice but to find a roommate so friend had to kick them out since reader lost their job. (hopefully that all made sense) Please and thank you! 
> 
> Also, this fic got so outta hand! It was originally supposed to be a one-shot, then it morphed, then it became a black hole, and now...well this is the end! I’m sorry if this feels rushed for any of you, I needed to stop before I ended up killing somebody off and had them haunting the lair lol Granted, that would be a good fic...
> 
> PLEASE ENJOY & THANK YOU FOR READING THIS ROLLER COASTER OF A FIC! :D you have all been fantastic.

“Okay,” you chirped, playing with the ends of Raph’s bandana. You sounded happy. Too happy. Especially considering you had looked a little frightened a moment ago.

Raph raised his head to find a toothy grin on your face. He squinted up at you suspiciously.

You noticed and let your face fall like it was minutes ago.

“What?”

He didn’t respond as he thought over everything he had said. What was it that made you smile?

“Ya seem…,” Raph switched tactics. “I expected ya ta argue.”

“About?”

“Gettin’ good sleep-”

“Well, I do feel exhausted. I couldn’t sleep cos I was worried something bad might happen to you,” you explained.

“Eatin’ betta-”

“I promise I will try. But I’m really not hungry. And food hurts,” you pouted.

“Bein’ glued ta my side.”

Silence. Your eyes flitted up to the tv as you pretended not to hear him.

“Y/n,” Raph shook you slightly to get your attention, but you only gave him a quick glance. He stood, bringing you with him as he blocked your view of the tv. “I don’ think ya understand wha’ that entails, Swee’heart.”

“What, what entails?” You muttered quietly, looking down at the floor.

“Stickin’ to my side,” he gently lifted your chin, forcing eye contact. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Raph continued to hold your gaze. “It means no video games with Mikey unless I’m there. No science experiments with Donnie unless I’m in the room with ya. No meditating for hours with Leo, cos we both know I don’ do long meditation.”

“What about tea with Splinter?”

“I figure ya can drink tea with Sensei while I take care of personal needs.”

You nodded your understanding. Well, as much as Raph would allow with his finger under your chin.

“And last, but not least; hours upon hours of sittin’ in the dojo while I get back inta fightin’ shape.”

A flash of fear crossed over your features before you could hide it from him. If he hadn’t been boring into your eyes, looking for any tell tale sign of what was really going on in your pretty little head, he would have missed it. 

“And ya still not gonna argue ‘bout it, huh?” He continued as the gears turned in his head. Which word, exactly, had you scared?

Then it clicked.

Fighting.

You were afraid of him going topside again.

“Is that what this is all about?” Raph questioned, still not letting go even though his grip tightened a tad.

It all started to make sense.

“What is wha-”

Why you didn’t argue.

“No, Princess,” he seethed. “Tell me you didn’t.”

Why you stopped eating.

“Didn’t wha-”

If you were glued to him.

“Stop eatin’ cos a me,” he growled.

Then he couldn’t go topside.

“Well- I, uh- I- No?” You slammed your eyes closed and a tear rolled down your sunken cheek.

And if he couldn’t go topside.

“Ya put yerself in danger!” He finally ripped his hand out from under your chin as his voice echoed beyond the room.

Then he was stuck in the lair. 

“I’m not in dange-” He shook your hand away when you reached for his arm.

Where he couldn’t get hurt.

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

To say I was scared was an understatement. Terrified didn’t even cover it. Petrified did. 

I was petrified. 

Raph had figured it out. Somehow. Some way. I could tell the moment it all clicked together. My plan failed. Utterly and completely. It didn’t even last a whole day! How was I supposed to keep him safe now?

“Yes, ya are!” Raph shouted, exasperated.

“No! I’m fine! See?” I sobbed out, motioning to myself as if I hadn’t lost the weight. As if I had been sleeping fine.

“Ya not fine!” He started pacing like earlier, fists clenched. “Ya sick! Ya hurtin’ yerself!” Raph boomed louder than I had ever heard. “Yer killin’ yerself, Y/n,” he choked out, his back facing me as I watched him fall to his knees, head in his hands.

It broke my heart.

I never meant for this.

I never meant to-

“Don’tcha see?” He mumbled through his hands, a tremble to his normally confident voice. 

I quickly made my way in front of him to wrap my arms around his neck. 

“Yer my life,” he pulled me so close it hurt, soaking my shirt with his silent tears. “Yer everything. I couldn’ live without ya. I couldn’ bear it. There’d be no point in fightin’ if ya weren’ around, Swee’heart.”

“Then what about me?” I sniffled, unable to stop my own tears- happy- sad- frustrated tears- from flowing. “You almost died! If you had-”

“Don’t say it,” he rasped, sqeezing me a little tighter, effectively shutting me up.

“You think I could live without you?” I asked him, lightly pulling on his bandana tails, silently asking him to look at me. 

He did. And those glassy eyes tore at my heart once more.

“I know ya can,” he whispered roughly. “Ya don’ need a freak like me in ya life.”

“Yes I do!” I bawled out. “Quite literally, Raph. Those guys would’ve killed me the night we met.”

His gaze hardened at the memory.

“You literally saved my life,” I gave him my most tender smile. “Who else is going to protect me, if not you?”

~~~~~~~~~~

Your words were like music to Raph’s ears. His heart soared at the thought of you even feeling an inkling about him the way he did about you. Vaguely, he knew you felt the same, especially with that spark in your eye and that little smile tugging at your lips. His heart melted at the realization.

“I though-” he cleared his throat before continuing. “I thought I scared ya tha’ night in the alley.”

“What gave you that idea?” You asked gently, rubbing small circles on his shoulder.

“Yer were always so fidgety ‘round me,” he shrugged, trying to hide how much that really hurt all those months.

“That’s because you hardly said a word to me! Not to mention you only looked at me to check for injuries-”

“Ya really think tha’s what I was really doin?” Raph smirked up at your shocked expression.

“Oh…”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Raph had done exactly what he had promised over the next several weeks. He never let you out of his sight. He made sure you slept a good eight hours each night. He cooked and fed you- making doubly sure you didn’t go retch it up.

It was a long, arduous journey to get your appetite back, but you did your best. Every great once in a while you couldn’t help but empty your stomach. Raph stuck with you through it all. Held your hair back, wiped you down with a cool cloth, and made sure you knew it was going to get better- that it just takes time- as he rocked you to sleep. 

Most of your time was spent in the dojo as Raph got back into “fighting shape,” just like he said. He even made you train with him once you started eating better. He said it would be good for you. That it was healthy for you- more than just physically. After each session he would assure you that he would be more careful when he got to go topside again. That he would try not to do anything too stupid. You believed him. You really did. But that didn’t mean you worried any less. Plus, you were coming to terms with the fact that he would never stop his vigilante work. You couldn’t blame him, not really. His brothers needed him. The city needed him. It was part of who he was and you wouldn’t change that for the world.

Even if the thought of him going topside did still terrify you deep in your bones.

Needless to say, you were happier than you’ve ever been.You were in the best shape of your life. You got your job back and chose to stay living in the lair with the man of your dreams. When your demons came back to haunt you, your new family chased them away.

You were loved.

You were happy.

And you couldn’t imagine anything better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those who have an eating disorder,
> 
> You are beautiful. You are loved. Please eat! Your friends and family worry about you. They love you, even if they don’t show it well. I worry about you! I love you! Please stop hurting yourself! Please! Fight those demons! YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE WONDERFUL.
> 
> Those people who made you believe you were anything less than what you are, are WRONG. They are jealous and petty and cruel. If people told you what you are doing won’t hurt you- that it’s healthy- they are WRONG. DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. You may not know this, but this disorder- this demon- can KILL you. I, personally, do not want you to die.
> 
> Please, I beg of you to listen to that tiny voice in the back of your mind that whispers you will beat this. That you will win. That you are gorgeous. That you will be happy again.
> 
> If you can’t hear that voice then listen to your family and friends who are there for you. Who care about you. Who encourage you. Who love you.
> 
> If you can’t fight for yourself, then fight for them until you can.
> 
> With all my love,
> 
> KurlyFrasier
> 
> P.S. If you ever need an ear, I’m here. Please, do not be afraid to ask for help. We all have our demons to fight.


	10. Part 6.2 (Alternate Ending)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is for PhoenixEterna! for asking for an alternate ending! One that did not involve Raph getting hurt and, I must say, I can't blame you lol Nobody wants to see him get hurt (:
> 
> Starts about halfway through chapter 5 when Raph takes the reader to bed after she falls asleep during movie night.
> 
> I hope this doesn't disappoint! ENJOY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do I tag people?

You froze in Raph’s arms, breaths becoming uneven as the movie carried on. He had no idea what movie was picked for the night. Nor did he care. His mission: to confess all, hoping beyond hope that you wouldn’t run away from him. He supposed he could always keep you trapped in his embrace, never to leave him. But he figured you wouldn’t like that much if you did decide to leave. 

Eventually, after what seemed an eternity, you relaxed. Not long after that, he heard soft snores rise to his ears. He decided that was his cue to carry you to bed. His bed. And this time he laid down next to you, more than a little unwilling to let you out of his sight, hopeful for tomorrow.

He laid there, intent on watching you sleep peacefully- just until he had to go on patrol. When you snuggled closer into his chest, his heart soared. Hair fell across your face and with a shaky hand he gently, carefully tucked it behind your ear. You sighed, stopping his heart. Vaguely, he wondered what he could possibly do to win you over. Eventually, he allowed himself to rest his arm around your waist, hoping it didn’t crush you. 

After a half an hour or so, Leo knocked lightly on his door, signalling it was time to go above ground. Reluctantly, Raph removed his arm from on top of you, but you latched on- stopping him cold, afraid he woke you up. After a few seconds he realized you were still sleeping, slowly he slid his arm out of your grip and tip-toed out of his room without a glance over his shoulder. Although it didn’t seem to help the temptation to crawl back into bed with you.

Once out of the sewers they flew rooftop to rooftop, looking for thugs, Foot, Kraang- anything to make the night go faster. Thankfully, his brothers left him alone, but that also made it a quiet night. Which allowed his mind to work on overdrive. Distracting him with thoughts of you: the smell of your hair, your soft skin, your curves, the way you felt in his arms- so small in his grasp. Granted, most humans were small compared to him and his brothers.

His brothers noticed his lack of concentration. He had fell behind several times at this point and instead of shaking him out of his reverie, they stood on a rooftop and waited for him to notice they were waiting on him.

“Wha’?” Raph said once he noticed his brothers staring at him. “Did somethin’ happen?”

“No,” Leo shook his head and slapped a hand on Raph’s shoulder. “But what do you say we head back to the lair?”

“This early?” he asked, confused and hopeful to crawl back into bed with you. “We just left.”

“Yeah, but it’s been a quiet night-”

“Yeah, dude. I have a personal record to break on my new game. I say let’s go!”

“And I’m in the middle of-”

“See?” Leo interrupted Donnie before he could go into any detail over whatever experiment he was working on and hopped to the next roof toward the lair. “We all have something at home we wanna get back to, so let’s go.”

Raph happily followed, anxious to get back home and into bed with you. If you were still there anyway. The thought had him back in the lair a few minutes before his brothers.

~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up chilly and alone, per usual- and maybe a little confused as to why I was in Raph’s bed when I remembered I had fallen asleep during the movie- when light streamed into the darkened room, Raph’s familiar shadow on the wall. I closed my eyes and evened out my breathing as I feigned sleep, wanting him to share the bed with me, but also knowing it was unlikely that he would. 

The bed dipped.

A heavy arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me into a hard chest. I swallowed the squeak that threatened to reveal my ruse and willed my heart to stop its thundering, afraid he would know I was awake.

His sigh tickled the hair on my head as he settled in.

I waited several minutes for Raph to say something. Anything. Until I finally gave up and attempted to truly fall asleep. Obviously I wasn’t going to learn any deep, dark secrets this night. I was disappointed, but secretly ecstatic that he was here, holding me as if his life depended on it.

“So beautiful,” he whispered a moment before I succumbed to darkness. “Do ya know that?”

I wanted to tell him no, that I didn’t know he thought that, but stayed silent, hoping for more. Always hoping for more.

“I’m sorry,” he rasped, still whispering as his hold tightened around me. “Fer everythin’. Fer makin’ ya think I don’ care. Fer not tellin’ ya I care.”

It took every fiber of my being to continue my steady breathing.

“Last night,” he paused, taking a shaky breath as he nuzzled into the crook of my neck. “I wanted ta kill the lowlife tha’ made ya cry.”

I told myself to keep my breathing steady as a tear fell; and another; and another; and- I squeezed my eyes tight, willing the tears to stop to no avail.

“I hope ya don’t leave ‘cause of me. I-” HIs voice broke, deep and gravelly as he pushed through. “I couldn’t live knowin’ ya don’t wan’ anythin’ ta do with me.”

“Then why do you stay away?” I cracked, voice barely audible to my ears.

He tensed, stiff as a board. I waited on bated breath for his answer before I turned to face him. A difficult feat considering his giant arm across my waist that he refused to lift, even just a tiny bit, off of me.

“Raph?” My voice shook as I met his widened gaze.

“I- uh- I-” he cleared his throat. “How much did ya hear?”

“All of it,” I stared at his plastron, embarrassed, and traced the lines. “But I liked it-”

He gasped. “Ya did?”

“Yeah,” I chanced a glance up at his emerald eyes and was unable to look away, glued to to his questioning gaze. “I’ve always liked you. Felt safe around you. But you wouldn’t ever really talk to me after that night you saved me and I thought you hated me for it. That I was a bother-”

“Yer not a bother,” he growled out, holding me in tight embrace. “Don’t evah think tha’, okay? I’ll always watch ovah ya. If somethin’ evah happened ta ya, Y/n. I don’t know wha’ I would do. I couldn’ live with myself if ya got hurt.”

“Okay,” I whispered into his chest.

“Good,” he sighed out, nodding. 

“G’night,” I said in a sleepy whisper, suddenly exhausted after all the emotional turmoil. Happy this wouldn’t be my last night here. Relieved Raph didn’t see me as a burden, but so much more- even if he didn’t say it in those exact words. Quietly, I listened to his deep breaths as they lulled me into sleep.


End file.
